Every father in the world has had to or will have to face the music when his princess comes home with the first boyfriend, believe me it can be a painful experience. Hate and jealousy will be the first feelings to flare, after that, who knows what. These are a few tips to deal with this situation without turning it into a battlefield or incur in your wife's and daughter's fury. This is something you cannot avoid, something that may or may not happen many times during her teenage years. Make the best out of it and try very hard to accept her decisions.
The first visit may come as a surprise, will be announced, or you will feel it coming in your heart. Whatever the situation is try to remain calm, put on your poker face and smile. Shake the boy's hand and ask him in. Remember one thing always, he does not care if you like him, your daughter does not care if you like him either; so it is up to you to be friendly and not to show your real feelings. If you react negatively or push the boy too hard, he will not come back which does not mean she will leave him, it just means you will not see him anymore. Never criticize him before your daughter, she is in love and she is blind to anything you might say or think, Father's tend to be excessively protective of their daughters asking questions about his family, school, and other activities, refrain from that, you will not get any real answers and the atmosphere will turn tense and uncomfortable. Do not just sit there staring at the ceiling either, participate in the conversation and be civil. You can ask your wife all the questions you want when they leave, she probably already knows everything about him. Ask her in private what she thinks about the boy and tell her about your feelings and thoughts about him.
Keep in mind that whether you like him or not your daughter will stay with him as long as she wants. If you say you do not like him and do not want to see him again or something like that, she may rebel against you and you will lose her trust. This does not mean that the house rules will be broken because you do not want her to be mad at you, curfew stands as is and if she is late, she must be punished. When they go out the first time after he comes to visit, talk to him and let him know that the house has rules and that you will enforce them. This is not a threat, it is reality and he must respect this.
Give the boy a chance, you do not really know him so you cannot say he is not good for your princess. Over time, when he comes to visit, invite him to stay for dinner, ask him if he wants to watch the game with you. It is very important that your daughter knows and feels that you support her and that you are willing to give him a chance to establish the relationship. Remember he is not important, if he is the first one, he will probably go away fast. The important thing of this exercise is that you let your daughter know that you trust her judgement and that you are, and will always be ready to give her choices in boys a fighting chance.
Above all, keep in mind, that she is not your little princess anymore, she is a growing woman who will someday leave you for another man. It is up to you to make sure she leaves in peace and comes back to see you often. Let her know that you will always be her father and that you will always be there for her. Let her know that you trust her and that if something goes wrong you are ready to help her and listen to her always. Remember you went through the same thing many years ago. Remember your children do not belong to you, they belong to life and to themselves. Try to learn and accept as soon as possible that they will have to go away one day to start their own lives but that they will come back bearing grand children and happiness or tears and pain. You are not a judge, you are the shelter where they should always find safety and love, no matter what.
My name is Onaga Williams. Harmony in the home has a very delicate balance, as adults it is our duty to look over that balance. Our children are growing and changing every day, they are meeting new people and learning about themselves too. They need guidance and control but these should be given with love and care, violence does not solve anything, it just separates people who should always be together.
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